Things you'd never here them say EVER!
by anythingrandom
Summary: What happens when you find out what the YYH gang will never say in there entire life... beats me i'm just the author, you find out for yourself
1. Yusuke

Hey this is my first fan fiction , uhhh beware insanity galore. Heh heh well enjoy

**Ch. 1 Things You'll never hear them say EVER: Yusuke**

" I'm going to quit fighting and become a good little boy"

" I'm going to dump Keiko and become a fulltime homosexual"

" I pledge my love eternally to….. Kuwabara"

" Screw Spirit detective, I'm going to start studying and stay in school"

" Hey Kuwabara… looking hot today"

" Hiei, I think you're sooo cute when you're angry"

" Kurama, I think I'll start tutoring you, after all you are an idiot"

" Botan, can I wear your kimono, just for a few hours?"

" Keiko, you can drop dead for all I care"

" Koenma, I think you look adorable as a toddler"

" Genkai, I love you GRANDMA!"

" Hey mom, you should keep on drinking and getting drunk, o and don't forget to leave me by myself for the next few years, I can take care of myself,"

" OMG, everything is filthy must start cleaning"

Hey hoped you enjoyed this chapter, next is Kuwabara,


	2. Kuwabara

Hey pretty early I know, but I want to get this over with so I can start on a new insanity.

Chapter 2: Kuwabara Things You'll never hear them say.. EVER

" emc2, that my fellow colleagues is Einstein's theory of relativity"

" Yukina, I hate you with all my heart and soul, hold still so I can slash you with my spirit sword,"

" Hiei I think we should put aside our differences, and become the best of friends,"

" Hey, Kurama, will you please do a lap dance for me,"

" Yusuke, you know that cutting class is irresponsible,"

" hmmm.. I wonder if I'd look good in a dress"

" Hey sis, I traded my honor and dignity for this pack of spearmint bubblegum, aren't you proud of me"

" I wish I could cats and all that associate with them"

" You know Koenma, you look cute when you're angry"

" I wish I was attractive, or at least manly"

" hmmm which looks better on me, coral pink or true blue,"

" hey Botan, what's it like being a ditz,"

" o lord I think I forgot to change my underwear,"

Hey end of chapter 2 Kuwabara, hoped you liked this one, remember, THESE ARE THINGS HE'D NEVER SAY, EVER!

Next victim: Kurama


	3. Kurama

I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a long time, I had my finals then vacation out of the state but I'm back so here it goes.

Ch. 3 Things you'd never hear them say EVER : Kurama

" I'm sorry all you crazed fan girls but I'm really a … girl"

" Does this dress make me look fat,"

" What does 1+1 equal? --; ?"

" Kuwabara would you mind you and Yusuke tutoring me for the next few years, I think I'm slipping,"

" Oh great, the rose is stuck in my hair,"

" Hey Hiei, cute butt"

" Botan can you come here so I can possibly stab you,"

" Mom I don't give a damn about you anymore, go jump of a bridge for all I care,"

" Why doesn't my Youko side just die,"

" I don't think I like pants very much,"

" Hey Hiei would you mind doing a lap dance for me, I'd really appreciate it," **grin**

OK well here some more insanity, hope you enjoyed and sorry again for the delay, and next victim. Hiei muahahaha

Tell next fic of Things you'd never hear them say EVER


	4. Hiei

**Things You'd Never Hear them Say EVER: Ch 4 Hiei.**

Hey it's been a while, but I've been working on other fics, and I want to get them down before I forget them so sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy.

Victim 4: Hiei Jaganshi

" OH MY GOD, I broke a nail"

" I have a secret obsession with kitties, bunnies, flowers, other soft a cuddly things, and cute boy bands"

" Cussing is a sign of weakness, so I don't do it," skip, skip, skip

" ALL I WANT IN THIS WORLD IS WORLD PEACE AND HARMONY, is that so much to ask for,"

" Oh Kuwabara I'm sorry for calling you an idiot, moron and other cruel names, I hope you can forgive me, and you can have Yukina I don't mind one bit"

" Yusuke lets go out, I think we should go to the soup kitchen to help the needy,"

" Oh dear, Kurama hun, can you take me to the saloon, I need another facial,"

" I'm going shopping with the girls a.k.a Botan, Keiko, Yukina, and Atsuko, don't wait up,"

" I'll give up fighting to pursue my true dream, to become miss Universe, uh I mean Mister"

" I'M GAY, seriously"

" I love all the good things in the world,"

" Hey Kurama do I look better in pink, or red,"

" I wonder if my jagan likes blue eye shadow"

" Oh no sweets, I'm trying to cut down, I want to lose 10 pounds by next month,"

" What's the point in having Dragon of the darkness flame when it can't even start up a grill,"

" Oh My god, that man stole my purse, someone stop that man, I'll stay here and scream my head off,"

" Oh the heat is bad for my complexion, turn it down or my make up will melt,"

" THAT WAS A SIXTY DOLLAR PURSE, give it back already,"

" I think my hair would like nice if I dyed it pink,"

" I dear that man still hasn't come back with my purse, I'll just stay here until he gives it back,"

" In the meantime I'll file my nails,"

This chapter is longer because in my opinion, its easier to figure out what Hiei will not say, basically everything a girly girl will say (no offense) I'm not that girly but ok, well see you later. Next Victim: Botan


	5. Botan

Things you'd Never Hear Them say EVER 

Sorry about the wait, I've been working on my newest story, The Fox and the Hound. So all of you who hate me sorry. well let's get on with it, by the way this chapter has cussing, because I doubt Botan will cuss too much if at all

**Victim 5: Botan**

" Life is pointless, so why not just jump of a building to end it all"?

" AH THE LIGHT IT BURNS,"

" Damn you Koenma, why don't I shove my oar up your $$"

" Go to hell Keiko, Yukina, and Shizuru, I'm not in the mood for beeping shopping"

" SCREW YOU KURAMA, WHY DON'T I TAKE YOU TO THE NETHERWOLRD RIGHT HERE AND NOW" (someone's angry)

"Up yours Hiei, I don't give a damn about your beeping sister, I'll tell her right now, and I doubt you can torture me, oh Yukina,"

" Wait up Kuwabara, I have to burn you with a cigarette, or a few dozen"

" Screw this bubbly happy crap, I'm going to be the grim reaper, the _real_ one, you know skeleton, dark cloak, scythe, BEWARE HUMANS DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, MUAHAHAHAHA" (someone's high)

" BURN SPIRIT WORLD, BURN MUWHAHAHAHA, you're next human world"

Whacks Koenma with oar " whoops Koenma, you're a toddler, and I mistaken you for a piñata, now hold still so I can _accidentally_ mistake you for that Ronald McDonald guy who's been on my list to kill for 3 years,"

" I wonder what it would be like if I drowned Yusuke in a lake, nah too easy,"

" Is Kuwabara even capable of thinking, god, you'd think he only has 4 brain cells, one for fighting, another for eating, one for all his vocabulary, and the last for Yukina, what a moron"

" Like I care about your needs, go die and make the world a better place," (addressing it to a child who is asking for a donation for the cancer research fund)

" You think Kurama will mind I post a picture of him on e-bay and say, his virginity is for sale, HAHAHA, like I give a damn,"

Kurama walks into room " Yo Kurama I just put your virginity up for auction, damn you got 300 hits after 40 seconds,"

" I just want to tie Hiei to a pole, and burn him at stake, dancing around him saying "HE BE A WITCH IN DISGUISE AS AN ABNORMALLY SHORT BOY" oh the suffering"

" You no what, instead of retrieving the people on the list to retrieve, I'll just retrieve everyone else," (in other words she's going to leave the people who are supposed to be dead alone, and get everyone who is alive, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES)

Again sorry about the wait, I got tips from Lord of the dark Fluffiness, and others where from what I expected my friend would say, she's so optimistic and cheerful.

Next Victim : The Spirit world ruler himself, Koenma


	6. Koenma

**Things You'd Never Hear Them Say EVER**

Chapter 6: Koenma **_WARNING: CUSSING IN THIS CHAPTER, DO NOT READ IF YOU DISLIKE CUSSING_**

Sorry I haven't updated, I haven't had a real idea for Koenma, he's hard but oh well hope this is good enough

" Oh hell no, don't you give me that attitude you pansy of an ogre"

" Screw you, I'm going to fight my own god for saken battles, instead of letting that gaylord Yusuke, and his team of prissy boys"

" Hey Kuwabara, for someone so fucking ugly, you sure have a way of getting me to feel sexy, (growl)"

" Ever wonder why Kurama is such a girl, good lord what guy in his right mind use plants, and has long hair with girly eyes"

" Hiei's so short, I wonder how he'll find love," laughs till he's on the floor holding his gut and scarcely breathing"

" Damn you to hell bitch, yea that's right, I'm talking to you Botan,"

" Crap I just sold Spirit world for 50 cents, dad's gonna kill me,"

" Guess its time for me to move out, change my name to Pinto, and get surgery to chage my gender and maybe they won't find me, hopefully"

" I have a chemical relationship with my ogre George, its good to let things out sometimes,"

" WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE,"

" hahahaha you fell for it, now I can point and laugh at you for being stupid bastards and bitches,"

" My dad is such a jackass, can't even do paperwork,"

" I wish I was the tooth fairy, sigh, but I was born the ruler of the spirit world, piece of crap"

" There's no I in team, but there is a me, so get _me _some aspirin before I kick your girly asses" (talking to the team)

Again sorry this chapter is short, but again I didn't have any good ideas for Koenma, well thanks to all you readers. Next Victim: Genkai.


	7. LAST: Genkai

**Things You'd Never Hear them say EVER**

Chapter 7: Genkai 

My last Chapter, at the bottom there is an explanation and please help.

" Hello Yusuke, would you care for a cookie, and some milk, or would you prefer some tea instead,"

" I'm sorry dear, I'm a little deaf in my right ear, could you please squat down and talk slowly in my left one,"

" Don't worry there's no such thing as demons, you don't have to worry sweet heart,"

" Oh my, Kuwabara dear, are you all right, please don't frighten me like that, I'll get a heart attack that way don't you, be more careful okay,"

" Kurama, its not safe to play with deadly and or man-eating plants, you should focus more on studying or getting yourself a good girlfriend"

" Hiei, you little rascal, don't you know using sharp, lethal objects, and using forces of darkness are extremely dangerous, young man, I advise you to stop it at once"

" Uh, pardon me for saying, but you have a stain on your shirt, please allow me to remove it with my extra, super secret and fabulous, detergent,"

" You, naughty boy, don't go and make fun someone just because she is older then you, I'll have you know, I don't appreciate such disrespect"

" I'm too old for this, someone please carry me to the nearest retirement home, so that I may spend the rest of my years knitting, enjoying bingo night, flirting with old men, and remembering what I did wrong in my life"

" Tell me, when does bingo night begin, by the way"

" Has anyone seen my dentures,"? (those teeth people have that you can pull out and use to attack complete strangers with because they bite, hard)

" I can't see without my darn glasses, Yusuke be a dear and fetch them for me,"

" HELP, THIS MAN IS HARASSING ME FOR MY PURSE, SOMEONE PLEASE RESCUE, LITTLE OLD ME," (psh yea right like Genkai would say that, not even for 2000 bucks, well maybe)

" Where are those blasted bloomers" (bloomers are undergarments aka underwear, that resemble puffy short, and normally old people wear them, or so far the people I know who wear them)

" I hope one of those nice little whipper snappers, (translated: boy scouts) come to help me across this big old busy street,"

" I'm sad, my 27 cats are dead, and worse, I never found a husband or raise a family like I planned when I was young, sigh, oh well at least I have Yusuke" (there's a thought, I can use for all the bad times in my life, HAHAHA)

Sorry I'm not good at saying what sweet old ladies will say, for you see my grandma likes to watch wrestling and threaten people who give me problems ( GO GRANDMA) so I don't really know, but I hope this is good. Oh and sorry to everyone but this is my last chapter, because I'm completely out of ideas : (

Gomendasai ( I'm sorry) well thank you to all you reader, if you can help me out I can probably add more, but I'm out.

- Miharu aka author


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